Body of Work

My husband and I went to Sexpo last night, the sex business exposition at the Royal Show grounds. I don't really know what I expected; definitely something more fun and interesting than it turned out to be, though. It was a cross between a porn convention and a side show. It reminded me of a night of WWE wrestling, with slightly less...very slightly less...silicone.

The highlight of the evening for me was a sex education lecture by comedian Mark Butler, complete with white lab coat and chalk board diagrams and the volunteer from the audience. You had to run the gauntlet of leather gear, massage oils and the wonderful world of dildos to get to him but he was certainly worth the effort.

Lots of giggling single girls, small groups of single guys, and lots of couples attend Sexpo. Then there are the lone men of a certain age who are not real big on personal hygiene that spend too much time smiling and collecting various goodies from around the exhibits. The kind that just appear suddenly behind you in a crowd. Creepy.

In one of the exhibits, a guy called Pricasso paints portraits with his penis. He is a short guy in his mid fifties at least with a decently enough kept body but who insists on wearing a cowboy hat over long bleached blond locks. When not painting, his 'paint brush' is kept in a silver thong held in place with unnaturally tanned buttocks. I saw him do a painting, and it's not that he's a bad painter or anything, but really...how do you wake up one morning and say "I think I'm going to use my penis to paint portraits" and then do it? That takes, well...a penis obviously, but also balls. I don't know that I would have gotten up the nerve to tell my parents where all the money they spent on art lessons was heading.

Another exhibit called Consensual something or other featured a wooden cross like thingy with restraints. The guy selling it was wearing a business suit. I laughed out loud at the whole suit and tie business. Clearly, here is a man who takes his deviance seriously. He's all business, even sitting next to a six foot wooden sex toy. Looking back, I should have asked for the sales pitch. I would have asked about height adjustments for us short deviants. Hmmmm. Well, perhaps it's best I missed my chance.

Well, I did learn one thing at the exhibition. "Man who paint with penis should not rinse brush in turpentine."